Responding to Tragedy: In Class and at Home

Even if it wasn't explicitly stated, I think the tragedy in Waukesha was on everybody's mind yesterday. Coming into school, we still didn't know the full scope of what had happened. I don't ever choose to bring up tragedy with my students, but am always willing to talk about it if asked. Many of my students were fine with running class as usual. My sixth grade choir students, however, wanted to talk. I'm always humbled that my students feel safe enough in my classroom to talk about the heavy subject, but that doesn't make it easy.

Three of my students in the class were at the parade and witnessed the tragedy firsthand. I listened to them recount seeing injured and dead bodies in the street, running away from the scene while hearing people scream. One student even watched her grandma's dog get run over. We spent the entire class period talking about what had happened and coming to terms with the state of the world. Many of my students questioned how such bad people could exist and how they could even sleep at night. It was an important conversation to have, and I'm glad I can be a safe adult for my students. But I was emotionally exhausted after it. I could see the innocence and hope fading from my students' eyes. And it hurt. They had seen what a terrible place the world can be right in front of them, and all I could say was "I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say. I try to be as empathetic as possible, but I am not a trained mental health professional.

I spent the rest of the school day in this state of emotional exhaustion, and I ended up taking these emotions home with me last night. I haven't had a classroom experience hit me this hard in some time. But as educators, we need to be able to recover from our students' traumas. I knew I'd need to be back ready to support them again the next day. But that is easier said than done. Healing takes time, and I can't speed up the process for my job.

We don't often talk about the emotional burden that comes from being a teacher. There are times where we can compartmentalize and come back to feelings the next day, but some instances are just too heavy to put aside. We need time to emote and process what has happened to our students and what has happened to ourselves through second hand trauma. This becomes very hard to do when we need to have our best energy for students each day. So how do we take care of ourselves when coming home exhausted from difficult conversations?

I know that recovering looks different for everyone, but I made it a point to do nothing last night. I took the time I needed for myself and didn't grade or clean or work on Christmas presents. I grabbed a blanket, turned on some Netflix, and relaxed with my cats. There's no one size fits all approach to healing, but teachers have to prioritize themselves to survive. If we don't take the time to heal and process, it can all become too much. There is absolutely a fallacy to the "practice self-care" narrative that has been circling many school districts. But this isn't self care. This is healing. It's not always as simple as just taking a bath or reading a book. Healing takes acknowledging trauma, reflecting on that trauma, and working through it. We all need to be patient with ourselves.

I made sure to end our conversation in class on a good note. I told my students that we can't control the bad people in this world. They are going to exist no matter what we do. But we can control ourselves. We can make sure that we are spreading love and kindness. We can be the good people. My words can't take away what happened, but I would like to think I ignited at least a little hope in their spirits. And in my own. I can't control what happens to my students. I can, however, give them a safe space to talk, feel, and learn. We can't get over the tragedies in our lives, but we can get through them. In times like these, I am often reminded of the optimism of Anne Frank, who went through one of the most tragic parts of history. She wrote, "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” And as soon as I am done healing, I will be doing just that.